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"When are you going to stop this nonsense mum?" Adult son asking his mother when she is going to give up her horses and riding. And it follows be a sensible nana and stay safe.
To be fair this question arose after my latest mishap riding my new horse.
How to answer this question? For myself, my family and friends.
The starting point is that it is my choice what I do with my life and my actions. But it's not that simple is it?
What happens to my wellbeing affects other people and my horses.
Although this concept is more often discussed in the context of aging it actually applies throughout our human lifecycle. The desire to stand up and walk is universal. Yet the parent's dilemma is that they inherently know that with this new found freedom of their child comes the inevitable risk. The risk of falling and injury. The parent hovers with a loving watchful eye. Ready to pick up the pieces.
As we become adults we have to pick up our own pieces. However other people may also be affected, like in the example above, my husband Peter, sister Bryony and friend Bin.
Smarter Feeling Kinder Thinking
How can this Emotional Intelligence strategy guide our decisions in this tricky area of self-determination?
I need to know myself, take charge of my responses and decide what is really important.
Step 1 is to acknowledge my own accountability. If I choose to ride a 16 hand athletic 500 kilos animal I need to take all the appropriate actions to keep myself as safe as possible. There are a number of aspects to this including:
My horse needs to be well trained and cared for with consistent handling
I need to be physically fit and know my athletic limits
The riding space needs to be as free of hazards as possible.
Step 2 is to apply the mindfulness technique of being in the moment. A self-check. More importantly than the above I need to be in the "kinder thinking, smarter feeling" zone.
I must ensure that I am free of other worries and concerns that will impact my effective decision making and responses in real time when riding my horse.
This truth applies just as readily when driving a car or riding a push bike on the road.
Smarter feeling will help me to check in on my stress and anxiety levels by monitoring my breathing and ability to be in the moment with myself and my horse. If I am overloaded in my life and therefore out of balance I have a much higher risk of making a risky decision when I am on my horse's back.
And balance is everything when riding.
Step 3 Next I give myself a moment for "kinder thinking".
Can I let myself of the hook if I am not up to getting on my horses back at all even if we have missed a few rides this week? Lunge him instead? Or limit the exercises I had planned for the arena.
Can I ensure that I wont sabatouge myself by making an impulsive decision that may have serious safety consequences? Like 2 days in hospital and 6 weeks off my horse?
Equally important is to acknowledge to myself (kinder thinking) that it is very important that I continue to live with, ride and interact with my horses. Even though I know that there are risks. Because I want to keep working with clients and my horses and to contribute to the development of a global community of Equine Experiential Education Practitioners.
Lesson Learned
My dignity of risk, in choosing to ride a powerful horse, comes with it a concomittant accountability to feel smarter and think kinder whenever I interact with my horses.
Without exception.
The Equine (EQ) Link
Equine Experiential Education programs can significantly assist people to draw on their unique strengths and attributes and tap into their job crafting and leaderwork capabilities. Equine assisted Team building exercises can enhance this work.
Dr Deb
8 December 2023.
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