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Today at a careers function I had a lovely chat with one of the organisation's representatives. I shared the detail that I had once worked for her organisation in the legal area but when I asked to go part-time, so I could care for my 3 pre-school children, my request was refused. Please hold this thought. Because there is more to the story.
What comes easily
She asked me if I mentored women in leadership and work skills. I mentioned that I had coached a young woman law graduate who could not find a professional legal role and with my help she had successfully found a full-time position. So yes I did this kind of work.
We Take for Granted
Driving home from the function I thought of the numerous examples where I have coached and mentored women, either as their manager, colleague, friend or in a formal work coaching or consulting role. In all of these cases I have found the strength and insight to make a difference in that woman's life. Closer to home I have supported my daughter in her legal career and my sons' partners in their respective careers.
Yet when I established Core EQ and even when I came up with the phrase, Smarter Kinder, it did not occur to me that one of my greatest strengths and abilities was coaching women to overcome adversity, chase down their purpose in life, set audacious goals, and to regroup and reboot their lives and careers. This is from a person who rode a motorbike across the Nullabor desert by herself as a P plater, rode to Darwin from Melbourne on her own BMW 650, was a state finalist in breastroke aged 15 and then came second in the state as a 41 year old Masters swimmer and bought her first horse aged 55. And yes who completed the first PhD in Continuing Legal Education in Australia aged 50. And I probably should mention spent 3 months in hospital after I went into prem labour with twins - who then had to be induced!
My most successful work in NDIS has been working with women clients who wanted to articulate and achieve their purpose in life and set stretch goals for themselves. Like riding a horse after an acquired brain injury for example.
We Teach Best
I did not sufficiently value what I could do for other women because I had failed to do it for myself over 4 decades of my working life. With very serious consequences. The courageous advocate for others, motorcyclist, dressage rider could not stand up for herself in the world of professional work.
Of course I had forgotten the well known phrase; "we teach best what we most need to learn" (Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah).
Remove the Illusion
In my article Remove the Illusion I examine the importance on acting on your values. And that when you unravel yourself from your difficult thoughts and emotions, you can expand your choices about how you will act.
You can decide to act in a way that aligns with your values. And then test the workability of your thinking . This includes asking yourself:
Is your response going to serve you and your organisation in the long term as well as the short term?
Will it help you steer others in a direction that furthers your collective purpose?
Are you taking a step toward being the leader you most want to be and living the life you most want to live?
As we face into our bitter disappointment about what we have not achieved we have the opportunity to make a profound decision, a smarter kinder decision for our own life and future. This involves both a capacity to recognise our patterns of thought and also to harness our emotional agility. To become more attentive to our own needs at work. And in doing this we may well serve our workplace and profession better.
I wont go into details about my young self which led to the well qualified capable lawyer being unable to advocate for my own interests, needs and rights. And why I swallowed my anger and walked away when if I had answered Q1 at the relevant time I would have made a different decision. Suffice is to say that this occurred on more than one occasion and the consequences, of not fighting harder for one year's leave without pay to complete my PhD, were serious, not only for me but also the profession I served.
I made a fundamental and flawed error. In all of these situations I allowed other people to rate their interests, priorities and objectives as of greater importance than the long term interests of the organisation (or profession) or my own needs and that of my family. Without speaking up for myself and my values, challenging their short term thinking. I needed to unhook my thoughts and feelings and reframe my message - powered up by smarter kinder value thinking.
Smarter Kinder
My Feel Smarter Think Kinder philosophy is born out of my own pain in surviving the professional working world as the first family member to become a lawyer when law firms still interviewed you for an articled clerk position, based on your religion, and in some cases denomination. Yes I know it is really hard to believe. But it is true. The year - 1979.
Open for Business
So I'm open for business because yes I mentor and coach women. Of all the things I achieved in my life this is what I do best and have valued least. It's never too late.
The Equine (EQ) Link
Equine Experiential Education programs can significantly assist people to draw on their unique strengths and attributes. And to unhook their unhelpful thoughts and feelings.
Dr Deborah Hann
3 March 2024
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